i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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