birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
