3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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