and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
