yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
