We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
