Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
