Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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