they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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