Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
