will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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