Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
