I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
