the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
