he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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