i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
