Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
