her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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