4 words: hood of his car
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
