yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
