You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
