is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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