I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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