I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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