my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
