what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
