We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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