he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
