I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
