we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
