I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize