Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
