: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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