I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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