hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
