ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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