Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
