When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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