i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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