All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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