Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
