Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize