It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
