I feel like abortions should bother me more
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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