she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
being pregnant is like rehab
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
