i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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