I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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