Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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