I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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