i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
