so that wasnt chicken after all
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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