This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Houston, we have a squirter
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
