Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone shattered a urinal.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
