Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
