sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
