I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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