I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
