True but thats because hes a fetus.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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