Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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