my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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