his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
