thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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