We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
pray to the hookup gods
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
