i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize