your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
