Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
