I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think i have herpe
just one?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
