If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
