three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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