I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
