Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
