my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
