i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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