my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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