Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
