I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
