Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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