Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
