I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
