it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
