Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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