doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
