If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
