Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
