There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
