She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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