I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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