i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
