you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
