i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
where are my eyebrows?
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