thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize