Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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