I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
