I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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