You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
from now on my penis is your penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
