Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
