Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
