woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
