with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize