TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Randomize
