I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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