We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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