I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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