He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
