If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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